When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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