he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
