you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
