She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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