it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
