We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize