I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
