dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
