I heard we made out
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
