if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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