he puts the penis in happiness.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
