I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
