my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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