went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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