sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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