BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
