I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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