like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
