my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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