my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
