Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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