Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
