when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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