Do you still have your period?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
