oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this just has baby written all over it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
