i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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