I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
