i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
