i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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