I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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