The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
