Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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