i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
