How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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