Umm I'm too high to move.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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