mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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