he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
