I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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