i just wanna soil my oats bro
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
