Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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