At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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