I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
