Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
