i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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