whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize