i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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