Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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