You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
