Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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