Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
tell me about the fingering
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
