Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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