I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
