Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
