just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
