I think I died a long time ago.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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