But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
