Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
