No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
