He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
