3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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