you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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