You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
