i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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