wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
