I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
