It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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