It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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