but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
