Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
