my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
