I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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