I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
