Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
