I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
