I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
