I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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