I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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