Your mouth is God's brothel.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
