I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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