I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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