My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize