do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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