Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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