Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
