member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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