thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
