My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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