Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
