On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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