My cat gives me a boner
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We were destined to go to rehab together
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
