She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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