We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
