I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
