i just google imaged poop.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize