I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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