Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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