My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
