I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
