So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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