these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
