#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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