Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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