Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
