i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
