Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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