Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
