hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
