New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
