how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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