Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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