Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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