Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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