My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
